I love coffee. I started drinking coffee when I was 15 (black with 25 sugars). Over time I developed a somewhat more descerning pallate, however, I still like black coffee with one sugar. Cream in coffee is for the weak and more than one sugar and you might as well drink coke.
I grind my own coffee beans, I love the ritual of grinding beans, brewing coffee, and then having that first cup in the morning. I love the smell of coffee, the taste of coffee, and I love the effects of coffee. I call coffee the 'nectar of the gods' and along with beer I think I am fairly close to correct.
So, imagine my horror, shock, pain, anger, frustration (insert word here) when I discovered after two years of trial and error, medical intervention, and much denial, that coffee was the cause of a physical ailment that had afflicted me for several years. I had seen specialists and had numerous tests done all to no avail. The doctors did not know what was bothering me. They made numerous suggestions, which I implimented, and which failed to alleviate my discomfort.
Finally, in a fit of desperation, I gave in to the dark side and stopped drinking coffee. (Someone had suggested that perhaps my 12 cup a day habit might be the cause but I had scoffed at them and then instantly dropped them from my facebook friends list for even suggesting such heresy).
After three days of hell on earth (including nausea, insomnia, migranes, loss of appetite, extreme self-pity, whinning, crying, several tantrums, and two aborted attempts to lick the inside of my coffee maker) I emerged weak and shaken into the light of a new coffee-free existence.
I'm not sick anymore. I feel better than I have in years. I'm gaining weight and muscle. I don't care. I want coffee. Everytime I go to a restaurant I want coffee after my meal. Every time I wake up (so every day) I want coffee. When I go to the mall with my wife, I want coffee. Coffee is as much a social drug as it is a physical drug. I am still addicted to the social elements of coffee even though I have managed to survive coffee rehab.
(While writing this blog I realize I have salivated all over my laptop...not a pretty picture)
So, why do I write this? Well, at the risk of offending Starbucks fans everywhere, yesterday I went to Starbucks with my wife and had a cup of coffee for the first time in a very long time. Granted, it was a Pumpkin Spice Latte, skinny, decaf, but still, it was coffee. With trembling hands and racing heart I lifted the golden goblet (well, white paper goblet) to my lips and took a drink. SWILL - BITTER WATER FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE SEWER - SQUID TESTICLES GROUND UP TOGETHER WITH GRASSHOPPER EYEBALLS AND VINEGAR - LIQUID DIRT - Yes, all of that and more. A DIRTY SOCK COMBINED WITH A BRUSSELL SPROUT COVERED IN RAT TAIL SAUCE - all for $5.99.
Good-bye coffee. I still miss you............but not as much.
