Dealing With It

It is difficult to deal with certain types of people. It doesn't matter if you are a pastor or a policeman, an author or an actor, a writer or a welder; dealing with people is...well...difficult. In my profession, I deal with people on a weekly basis, and quite often these people are upset or even angry about something. They disagree with some song I've done or some style of music I've played or how loud it was or quiet it was or how bright or dim the lights were. I am far from perfect when dealing with these people, but I do have some experience. Here are my four basic rules: 1: Wait. I've learned the hard way not to react immediately to what people say and/or write to me. They often do not understand or grasp how their comments or actions will affect me and they are often insulted and hurt when I react to them with harsh words or hasty emails. It often takes me a few days to get over my initial feelings towards them and what they've said or written. To respond immediately is to respond out of that anger, and I've sent a few emails that I've regretted ten seconds after I've hit send. After the initial emotions have passed, I'm better able to respond gracefully. On occasion after a service I've had to tell people to talk to me at a later time or wait until Tuesday and come into the office because if I stand and listen to them for another ten seconds in the lobby I may not be responsible for my actions (you know what I mean). Also - if I receive anonymous notes - they go directly into the trash. 2: Have a friend. I have a few people I trust who know me and what I do, who know my heart, to whom I can vent when I need to. These friends are invaluable to me because it isn't healthy to always keep everything inside. Sometimes I need to say what I need to say. This doesn't sound very Christian - but trust me - it is very therapeutic. 3: Respond. I know it sounds simple, but I have to respond to these people. If I ignore them it only gets worse. Trust me. After following the advice given above in Steps #1 and #2, (perhaps several times) I have to meet with them. I dislike replying to people like this via email or text since they either seldom respond, or they take what I've written and they twist it and use it against me (now that they have written proof of how uncaring and unchristian I am) if I disagree with even the slightest thing they originally said (even if I do it with as much grace as Jesus). So, as difficult as it is, meet face to face. Get to the bottom of it, watch their reactions, read their body language, figure out if they are in control of their emotions at all. 4: Listen. On occasion, behind all the hurt and/or anger, behind the inability to communicate in a caring, loving or professional way, these people do have something legitimate to say. Not everything they say is legitimate, in fact, most of it isn't, but sometimes, way down there underneath everything, there is something important that I need to hear. When I uncover the root of the issue, I can respond to it, rather than trying to respond to all the other stuff. By the way, when people compliment me and tell me I am awesome and amazing...I do the same thing.